Dear readers, I will not bore you with why I’ve been away so long; please just know I have missed writing and sharing much more than you’ve missed reading. The good news is that on the surface everything is fine, my faith is still strong, Jesus is still my rock, I am making strides in my work in sharing the gospel with college students and my family is well.
But…..when worlds collide…
The bible says:
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6
This is what my husband and I held onto our whole lives. We taught, he preached, we encouraged and exhorted. We prayed, we believed and we held onto the promise. That is what you’re supposed to do as a rock solid Christian, right? Well recently, and I will say in the last few years, our faith has been rocked to the core. We have been tried and tested by satan’s influence over one of our children, yet we persevered through it and he seems to be finding his way. I have always been one to pretty much present myself as unshakeable, especially knowing who God is and understanding His ways, but the last few months…
I am sure there are many parents reading this blog, and you can probably identify with my angst. My children range in age now from 18-24 and when I started this blog they were in middle and high school. I took for granted how worldly influence and satanic attacks affect our youth. I overestimated my own parental influence in their lives, believing just because *I* was saved, they would be as well. I was so ignorantly arrogant about it that I also took for granted that I didn’t have to FERVENTLY pray for them because God “knows my heart”. Well yes, and he also knows theirs and loves them equally despite what they do or believe. This week I had to confront that fact and to be brutally frank about it, the place satan has one of my children has me in periods of mourning and denial. Think about losing someone close to you to death and the stages of grief you experienced; this is where I am at right now. I poured EVERYTHING into my children. I did not work until they were old enough to understand mommy not being home, I taught, I encouraged and I believed they would all be upstanding servants of the Most High. Well, reality check….my plans are not God’s plans and I am thankful because somehow many of my plans get screwed up anyway. 😊
I guess the point of this short testimonial blog, aside from being a testimony about the trying of my faith, is that although our children are an extension of us, they are not us. They are individuals able to make their own decisions, their own mistakes, their own victories and their own happiness. Even though I am crying out to God daily over my (perceived) pain, I understand He already knew what was coming, and he also knows how it will end. I can take comfort in that, and know that Jesus feels each and every one of my teardrops, internally and externally and the Holy Spirit is here to comfort me. If you are experiencing any of these emotions over your child(ren) feel free to sound off in comments or send an email and we can all pray collaboratively for each other.
***If any of my children are reading this, please know I love you wholeheartedly and this blog is not an indictment on you. I thank God for each and every one of you each day!***
God bless you, and as always…thank you for visiting and reading!