Where am I?

06 Jul


We were so lost! That is what we thought. Wading through the desert, the jungle, at times the largest metropolis known to man; we were still lost. The confusion set in, then the frustration and finally the anger. Where were they God? Where is the promise that you promised? Why am I confused? Alone? Desolate? I thought you TOLD me to do this!

Is this you right now? Are you one of those “Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt” type people when it comes to following God? I know that I am. I feel like I am faithful to God and His Word and that I have done all that I can do and still….I’m wandering. Generally speaking, I have served in the “mega’ church, the store front church, the family church and the living room church and still….I’m wandering. Generally speaking, I have witnessed. I have led others to Christ. I have testified. Glorified. Exalted. Shouted. I feel that I have done it all. Yet still…I’m wandering. I’ve prayed. I’ve cried. I’ve fasted. And still….

….Where am I?

Exodus 15:22 So Moses brought Israel from the Red Sea; then they went out into the Wilderness of Shur. And they went three days in the wilderness and found no water. 23 Now when they came to Marah, they could not drink the waters of Marah, for they were bitter. Therefore the name of it was called Marah. 24 And the people complained against Moses, saying, “What shall we drink?”

Exodus 15:25 So he cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a tree. When he cast it into the waters, the waters were made sweet.

Exodus 16:1 And they journeyed from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came to the Wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they departed from the land of Egypt. 2 Then the whole congregation of the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. 3 And the children of Israel said to them, “Oh, that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” 4 Then the LORD said to Moses, “Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you. And the people shall go out and gather a certain quota every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in My law or not.

Am I lost? Or am I exactly where the Lord wants me to be at this time? One thing is for certain…I don’t know, therefore I have to utilize my faith. You remember faith right? Yes faith, the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Heb. 11:1). The same faith that I forgot about while I moaned and complained like the children of Israel. The same faith that I preached to others but forgot about when it came to myself. The same faith that brought me out of so many trials, tribulations, and sticky situations that I got myself into. The same faith that put food on my table when I didn’t have a dime in my pocket and the same faith that continually opens doors that I did not expect.

Sometimes we worry and question God over the silliest things. We recently relocated (again) after almost 4 years being in the south, and I was hired for a job with the government over the phone without a single in-person interview. Not only that, but I needed a full course of immunizations before I could go onto the military installation, and without my childhood immunization records I found that I needed them all….full payment. Well, I went into the clinic to get these shots, fully prepared to pay over $300 for my shots, and God had his people waiting for me. I walked out fully immunized and I paid $25! Want to know how I thanked Him? By doubting he was in this move at all.

I am sure that I’m not alone in this mindset. Of course I thanked him for the favor. I acknowledged having faith that He would work things out for me, but after all of that…doubt. Where am I?

Probably in the same place that you are. Doubting yourself. Doubting God. Doubting your spouse. Doubting your circumstance. Because in all of that doubt…there is no faith. And without faith….it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him Heb. 11:6). This is a short message, intended for whoever reads it. Stop asking, “where am I”, and start asking God, “where do you want me to go?”guide


And then go.





Posted by on July 6, 2014 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “Where am I?

  1. BornAgainJerry

    July 12, 2014 at 5:32 PM

    Hey Nita! been a while, been wondering where you been…every believer in God has had at some point gone thru a “dry-season” The prophet Habakkuk asked “O Lord how long shall I cry and you will not hear?…Why do you show me iniquity and allow me to see trouble…there is strife and conflicts arise….justice never seems to go forth…(and the LORD responded) For I will work a work in your days which you will not believe though it were told you..”
    (Hab 1:1-4)
    Abraham doubted and waited 15yrs for the birth of Issac;
    Jeremiah was discouraged and told God “find somebody else to speak for you, I’m done!” (Jer 20:7-9)
    John the Baptist asked of Christ “are you the one or do we look for another” (Matt 11:2-3) Jesus himself in the garden before his arrest “was greatly sorrowful and deeply depressed”
    (Matt: 26:37)
    And as Paul waited his trial before Nero “…all have forsaken me, only Luke is with me”
    (2Tim 4:10) but thru it all “but the Lord stood with me and strengthen me” (2Tim 4:17)

    Yes, this ‘spiritual trek’ we’re on gets overwhelming at times, but as you said
    “The just shall live by his/her faith” (Hab 2:4)

    Personally, I’m frustrated trying to find a church where I don’t have to jump through the hoops of legalism, false doctrine, and kissing the passa’s rear end in order to correctly teach Gods word.
    Keep me in your prayers – Welcome back, sis!

    • iampastorswife

      July 12, 2014 at 8:31 PM

      Bro. Jerry, hello! I am so glad to read your responses because they always speaks exactly to the situations that I find myself in. I continually walk by faith but even the strongest and most faithful find themselves struggling at times, and questioning their walk. I haven’t quite gone THERE yet but close enough to be troublesome. As for your last paragraph, I was just telling a close friend of mine that I am in a holding pattern waiting for God to show me where to go; she suggested that I just try out different churches, but I have never been one to “test” a church. I trust God enough that I can wait to be led. So brother, wherever God leads you, please don’t be afraid or keep a wall up.

      I pray for you and ask that you do the same for us Brother Jerry! I will try to be a little more present, as God leads. As always, thank you so much for your comments and God bless you!



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