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The Worst (and Best) of 6 months of my life…(a personal testimony)…

30 Mar

christianI’m still alive! My daughter begged me this morning to put something on the blog, and I asked her, “Are you my God”, because I only take direction from Him when it comes to posting on the blog. We both got a good laugh, but she stated that I should post a video or something so that people wouldn’t think that I had “moved on” to the greener pastures. :) Anyway…this blog subject had been in my spirit for a while so I am hoping that it can be insightful or encourage someone who may stumble across it.

Where have I been for the last few months? WORKING! Yes, working at a real job that I had no intentions on accepting. What happened was that I was looking to work in the psychiatric field and I interviewed at one office that seemed suited to my background because it was mental health, but primarily dealing with soldiers. However, two days after I accepted the position I got called by another employer at a mental health/substance abuse facility. I was torn, but I am a praying woman, so I did what I knew and asked God. In my head I knew that the first offer was more suited to what I was looking for, but God directed me to accept the second position. A couple of weeks in I was cursing myself and asking God “whyyyyyyy????” This place was awful! The employees were mostly “christians” who went to church every Sunday morning, and cussed you out Sunday night, went out partying, and many worship Beyonce or other celebrities. The management was more concerned with surface things than caring for the “sick”. I found very little respect between employees or between employees and clients. Just. A. Nightmare.

I began to get sick. Not physically ill where I could not function, but my spirit became sick. Dark. Angry. I also started to get migraines. Bad. Daily. To the point where I had to get a prescription for Imitrex. I took either that or Excedrin every single day. It became laborious to get up every day, and there was no joy in going to work. Or coming home. Why? Because I brought those dark, angry spirits home with me. I still prayed each day and night for things to change, and I started to get angry with God for not changing things for me.

Despite it all I continued to put my best foot forward in my work (my work ethic means a lot to me), and toward our clients because all of God’s children are to be valued. However, the stress that it took on me spiritually exhausted me. Eventually I lost a lot of feeling in my right arm. It was always either numb, painful or both and I had no feelings in my fingertips. I persevered anyway because apparently this is where God wanted me to be! Each day I went in with a pleasant smile and demeanor; that never changed because it is who I am, yet I began to notice negativity coming from me that was not who I was. Keep in mind that every single employee, including all of the “christians” cussed/swore like angry pirates in the midst of battle. I would always politely ask them to not swear around me, some complied, and some cussed me…que sera sera, and even though I did not cuss or swear, the negativity behind the words affected me. Yet I persevered. But I asked Him every day…

Genesis3-500x500And I waited. To be honest, I never felt weaker and without control in my life than during these six months. I felt like I wasn’t saved, that God didn’t love me, that He left me in the wilderness. That I was in hell. Nothing that my husband or children did could pick me up, especially knowing that I had to be up the next morning to go back into my personal purgatory. Through it all I had clients (mental health, substance abusers) tell me how valuable I was, how nice I was, how patient and kind I was, and how joyful I always seemed to be. I was never stingy when it came to kind words to them, nor hugs when I felt they needed one (women only). So I kept taking my Imitrex and Excedrin and waiting to be delivered. It was not until much, much later that the things that the clients were telling me lined up with Galatians 5:22-23:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Even while going through one of the worst wilderness experiences of my life I was still able to show the fruits of the Holy Spirit, thank God. I would keep telling myself “God must have a reason for my being here”, and then I would contradict myself with, “maybe I’m such a terrible person that this is my punishment”. I don’t know why we as Christ-followers cannot remember Proverbs 3:5-6; had I done that I may have saved myself a lot of stress and migraines. I kept plodding through my days, much of the time complaining rather than praying, until the day that a curse was levied upon me. No, I am not exaggerating. I worked with a witch who identified with being a christian; I spotted her pretty quickly, but kept my distance as much as I could.

I knew that she envied me because of the respect that the clients (and some staff) showed me, but I did not realize the extent to which her envy went. One day (a Friday) that my superior gave me off as a personal day, I went into to work anyway during the afternoon so that my work would not fall behind. As I was sitting at my desk, this person came behind me and “jokingly” started hitting my back, on the right side near the shoulder blade. After a few seconds I demanded that she stop, which she did. I thought nothing else about it, but did tell my husband about it later that evening when I got home. That Sunday afternoon when I was doing laundry my right side began to throb and hurt so badly that I almost became immobile; my husband wanted me to go to the ER, but I refused because I had to work the next day.

At work the pain became so intense that I believed I may have been on the verge of a heart attack. The whole right side of my back, shoulder and arm down to my fingers were numb, and I felt short of breath. An EMT that I work with also recommended an ER visit, but still I hesitated. I popped some baby aspirin and started my drive home. During the drive I whined to God again about what was wrong with me. He immediately took me back to Friday, and that person’s random “back slapping”, and He told me that she placed a curse on me and that I needed to get to my husband to pray. I was shocked. Shocked first of all that it had happened, and second because my discernment had not picked it up. I got home and shared my experience with my husband, who then placed anointing oil on the painful/numb spots and prayed the curse off of me. The pain was gone instantly. God is sovereign, and amazing; at that point I knew that my deliverance was at hand.

god-quote

This all happened less than a month ago. My last day at this job is in two days. Oh, and the witchtian (witch christian)? Well, that person was terminated a short while after God removed the curse, after being one of the longest tenured employees in the company. God said:

And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.

Although I feel a bit of sadness about leaving some of our clients, I have to trust that God’s will through me has been performed in that place and it’s time to move on to the next one. That is why I say it is the best (and worst) 6 months.  When I broke my announcement that I was leaving I saw tears, I was threatened with petitions to keep me there, and others showed ambivalence. What I have done was put away my Imitrex and Excedrin and gave God thanks for the things that He is about to do, and for the things that He has already done!

Be encouraged Fam, God knows, sees, understands and most importantly….delivers!

Stay Blessed,

pw

 

 
6 Comments

Posted by on March 30, 2014 in Personal Testimony, Uncategorized

 

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6 responses to “The Worst (and Best) of 6 months of my life…(a personal testimony)…

  1. The Latter Days

    March 31, 2014 at 9:43 AM

    Amen! So sorry Sis that you went through that, but so filled with joy that God Almighty brought you through it. These are indeed some strange times and witchcraft is more and more prevalent, especially in the “church”. Yet, the Lord said it would be so. Those who hold on too the truths of His word and submit to the truths of His Spirit (which confirms the word) will always be given eyes to see. Thank you so much for sharing this testimony.

    Much love!

     
    • iampastorswife

      March 31, 2014 at 8:21 PM

      Mia! I tell ya, you just know when to show up sis. I woke up at 4:45 this morning and through an app on my ipad began reading your latest blog. Read that and scrolled backward, read that one, scrolled again. And repeat! Before I knew it it was almost 6am and I had to get ready for work! All I can say is A-Men! Your writings were all on point, timely and seemed to be…for me. So thank you!

      I truly had no intention of sharing what I had gone through as it’s really kind of embarrassing; however, if what I went through helps or encourages someone else, I cannot complain! These have been extremely trying times, but I thank God for coming though it. Now time to fast!!! God bless you Sister and I am truly blessed to have you posting on my blog again. HUGS!

       
  2. Dave

    April 2, 2014 at 8:59 AM

    Sister B!

    Wow…… that’s exactly where I am at as far as frustration level. I have let my workplace turn me into an angry person. I previously rarely cursed but, have found myself doing it quite frequently. I let little things become much greater than I should. And so on…. should be so grateful to have a job but, find myself complaining about it instead. I have never felt so far from God as I have the last several months. He didn’t move, I did. I have always struggled with “giving it to God”. I am terrible at it. The thing that drives me nuts is, when the heat gets turned up, I have a tendency to run from God, instead of to Him. It sure is a vicious cycle. I know in my head what I need to do. Applying it is another story.

    I am thankful that He brought you through the trials B. And that He spoke to you on what the solution was. I always find something great to take away from your testimonies/postings. God is great.
    Love,
    Dave

     
    • iampastorswife

      April 2, 2014 at 12:52 PM

      Bro Dave! Long time no hear from! I always love it when God sends someone to confirm what I’ve posted was necessary. I know where you’re at and it’s hard to forget that God said in His word that we would go through things like this, especially when you’re the one going through it. I constantly told myself to “get over it” or “you’re tripping” until that curse was placed on me; even before that though when my spirit and demeanor started darkening I knew I had a problem. The answer? BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD. Always remember that. God will not leave or forsake us, call on Him and he will answer…but you have to be faithful too!

      Love ya Bro. Hang in there and stay in touch even if via email.

      pw

       
  3. Noreen Harewood

    June 23, 2014 at 11:05 AM

    All Glory honor and praise be to our God forever! God is awesome! sometimes when we are going through situations we tend to look at the magnitude of our problem and not at the awesomeness of our God. I’ve come to realize from personal experience that the longer we grumble and complain, the longer we will endure hardship. every situation is a teachable moment and even though you did not discern the evil intent of your former colleague, I’m sure that you have been made aware that sometimes simple and friendly gestures can be assignments of the enemy. I am now reminded of psalm 34 vs 19 and Ephesians ch 6 vs 10. be blessed!

     
    • iampastorswife

      June 25, 2014 at 8:32 PM

      Sis Harewood, thank you so much for visiting the blog and posting your encouragement. I think that God sent you expressly to encourage me; I have been going through many trials lately and had just mentioned to my (adult) children that maybe I should close down the blog.

      Your posting and comments are God’s answer to me, I KNOW that He used you for this moment so thank you and God bless you!

      pw

       

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